Pumpkins, candy, costumes, a reason to finally wear that hideous orange shirt you purchased, and all the ghoulish and garish phantasms you could ever want to pretend to be afraid of, what’s not to like about Halloween?
Well for starters, Halloween is most definitely a set-up holiday. What is a set-up holiday you ask? I’ll start by defining a set-up. A set-up is when someone purposely arranges something to mess with another person’s success. A set-up holiday is a holiday whose sole purpose is to screw over the people celebrating it. This is V Reasons Why Halloween is Set-Up Holiday.
Reason 1. Candy is bad for you.
Candy is pure sugar. Sugar is a carbohydrate and our bodies turn carbohydrates into lipids. Do you know what lipids are? FAT! I don’t wanna be fat! But I want to eat candy. Now after running around the neighborhood for two hours collecting it in a pillowcase I’m going to go home and reverse all of my hard work in a matter of minutes and gobble down the candy that I have! This
Reason 2. It isn’t safe.
Halloween tells us to do exactly what adults have been telling us NOT to do our entire lives! What do I mean? Let me list the ways:
-encourages kids to take candy from strangers
-encourages kids to wander around in the dark
-encourages kids to go up to strangers’ doors
-encourages kids to accept candy from strangers
-people can hide their faces
...shall I go on?
Reason 3. Costumes and decorations are expensive.
Spending an exorbitant amount of money on costumes. Last night my dad literally spent $40 on a suit I would wear maybe once in my entire life. Okay so as it is a Mr. Incredible suit I guess I might just wear it a couple times more just to feel beasty- but that’s besides the point.
Reason 4. Scaring
We literally spend our lives trying to prove that we’re not afraid of anything and then turn around and run through a haunted house just for the sake of being scared witless.
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